The last 24 hours I have been contemplating how fragile life is. I have always been keenly aware of this, as random, unpredictable events occur every minute of every day. However, when this happens to you, several potent feelings arise.
The first feeling is shock. It takes time to process that, it could take a few hours to a few days. In my case, it took a few hours which led to the feeling (and thought) of miraculous.
Let’s back up a moment. Around the globe we are all living in the face of Covid 19. We have all learned the ways to protect our self from this gruesome virus, by now everyone is cognizant of what we can control. We can control how and when we wash our hands, whether to wear gloves, how to avoid nonessential businesses and how to socially distance. In the wake of this, our personal selfcare is paramount. This is exactly why we continue to exercise, eat well and get enough solid sleep. What we might have forgotten is what we can’t control.
This leads me to the miracle question. Everyone knows that Albert Einstein said “one can believe that everything is a miracle or that nothing is a miracle.” Embracing the former has always been in my psyche. Many miracles, if not all, are out of our control. Yesterday was one of those times.
During the time of Covid 19 and selfcare, my husband and I have been riding our rides around the beautiful state of Colorado. On sunny days around Denver, we have been marveling at the crystal clear mountains, especially due to the decrease in pollution as of late. This day we decided to ride with masks and avoid the popular bike trails so that we could keep more space between the other cyclists (these were two factors we could control). Our dear friends, another athletic couple, joined us, or we joined them.
About ten miles into our ride, we met up with these friends. Feeling so in control of our perfect day, while avoiding busy bike trails, a car on a quiet residential street fails to notice a bicyclist and hits him with his SUV. The bicyclist was my husband.
As I type this, recalling the sound of that impact, aluminum/carbon fiber bike against SUV, and as I see my husband after that impact, and as I picture that cracked helmet, I am moved beyond belief. As I quickly unclipped from my bike and threw it to the ground, I ran to my husband who was in the middle of an intersection, I knew instantly that I almost lost my soul mate. I could not understand how he survived, yet was shaken into humble awareness that this was a close call!
If you have even seen the film, Sliding Doors, one knows that at any moment there can be a slight shift and life can radically go another way. The film illustrates this idea as Gwyneth Paltrow is running for the subway door. Half of the film, shares her story from the perspective of making the door onto the subway. The other half of the film portrays her as if she did not make that subway. Yesterday on the road in Greenwood Village could have ended in tragedy if that driver would have hit my husband at a different angle or at a different speed or any other variable was different.
My husband and I believe that he (and I and our family), survived a miracle, or as he put it “a divine intervention.” After toasting with our kids over dinner last night and then going off to sleep, all I could do was thank G-d. If you believe in Karma, my husband is one of those men who really does make the world a better place. Our world would only be filled with only goodness if more men and dads were like him, he needs to be here.
As the Big Book of AA says “Let go and let God.” As human beings we need to feel in control, this gives us sanity and empowerment. Yet, let us all remember that some things are completely out of our control.